Look at the ant you sluggard

Harsh words it may seem but ever too true to heart. I wondered at the audacity of an ant as it worked its way about my bathroom sink. He and his companion thought nothing of the fact that at any moment a voluminous wave of mouth wash or saliva could come spiraling down upon them and end they minuscule existence. I felt a bit like an evil conqueror as I decided their fate. Well, I had to rinse my toothbrush so on came the water. Down down down they went but not after putting up quite a fight. They struggled to find their way around the water, yet failed. I can just imagined their last words to each other as they struggled to remain above the rushing waves that roared about them...morbid, some would say, but some would call it poetic.
So the point of this pointless gesture? Well, often times I stop and wonder at the beauty and extravagance of life. Sometimes I do this to a fault and I begin to over analyze. My brain then begins to malfunction and I become a jellyfish and melt away into a puddle of disorganized thoughts. I don't know that I'll ever put up as good a fight as those little ants did who didn't truly have any purpose in life but to explore the drain and tell their fellow counterparts of the marvelous wonder of tile (how it soothes the aching feet, etc.). Can I be as the ant? Never stopping to look back but to only move forward? Even if it means getting washed down the drain time and time again...I'll be all the cleaner.

The day named Epiphany

Now it may seem to all who read this (seems to be myself only but if anyone ventures this way you are welcome to let your eyes rest on this meaningless rendition of my day) that all I do is weep and moan and am pessimistic about life. This is not so. Last night I had a bit of an epiphany, which is the name of this day (check your calendar). I suppose it would not necessarily be called an epiphany considering the fact that deep inside of me I knew of this truth already. This is my year...this is my time. No more waiting. No more up and down, in, out, here, or there. He, the Lover of my soul, has set my path before me and He is the only one who truly, truly, knows me and He knows the truth of my heart, the sweet melody that longs to spring forth. Heaviness cannot burden me. Sadness is no longer mine. I no longer embrace disappointment as a friend.
This is all well said, and aptly named an epiphany to my other self which seems to deny the fact of all of this. It seems to say "Awake! You who sleeps, awake!!" I am jolted, stung straight in the heart. I sit, I wait, I seek. I long for the journey that takes me to the place of my dreams...not only my dreams, but the fulfillment of those dreams. There is the place where my heart will truly be free.
So on this day named Epiphany I wonder what is to become of all that I long for. I struggle to go and to not be tied to my chair of complacency. I want the adventure to begin...but have I even gotten past the credits?

Until Tomorrow...an inner monologue

Just another day. Another mark in the sands of time. Whatever that means. Makes me feel like a grain of sand, a small speck without much of a future. If that’s any indication of what this day is going to be like I think I’ll pass. If I must brew one more pot of coffee, if I must say another insincere hello, if I must be burned by that blasted tea water, then let this be the last day! I don’t know how much more of this monotony I can take. It pays to be an actor, no matter what they say. In this job how can you not. Outwardly your voice is sweet and charming; but the inner self is another story. “Hello how may I help you?...oh my word not another line out the door… “Is there anything else for you?”…will she ever leave?... “That will be $3.85. You want a pastry as well? Warmed up and on a plate? Alright I’ll have that right up for you.” …holy cheese I need a drink… “Oh you want to change your order?” …I could strangle a kitten right now… Every day the same routine. This could get ugly. On and on I go and yet what end do I ever reach? The people must be watered! The cloudy skies match my mood…I am so alone, haunted by the dreams of old…A bit of poetry always escapes my lips when my mood matches the weather.
I will never be rid of the dank smell of stale coffee. It lingers no matter how many times I run those clothes through the wash…oh to be free, free like a bird…I look outside and wonder when I will be free, free from the demands of others. Free to be selfish and to seek my own personal refreshment. Free of that apron the confines me to the name embellished upon it. Ah what a life we lead. I feel a bit of the poet escaping again…
Then suddenly I do feel a bit of life returning in the meaningless monotony of the day. I feel a little shimmer of hope return. The joy of familiar faces and happy hearts brings a slight beat to my step. I sigh a few times, shake my head and laugh sadly at the day. Laugh at what it has brought me, what it hasn’t; the strange coincidences that follow me about…on this cloudy day, life, in all its monotone ways brought me a glimpse of the future. This may seem silly to someone on the outside…someone who can’t hear the inner monologue of the poet, but to me, it makes (almost) perfect sense. If I revealed this to you the mystery would vanish and that small bit of joy from the day will disappear and I will have nothing to keep me going…until I must once again retie that apron, brew that coffee, and again wince as my hand is scalded…until tomorrow…